Photo Credit: Movieberry

My mom is always there for me. She is there when I want to throw my homework across the room. She is patient when I am dismissive of all the advice she has to give. She is a shoulder to cry on, a resource in times of need. Some of the most important things in my life I have learned from my mom. Curled up on her bed, watching the latest episode of one of our favorite shows, is when I feel most at peace. I often ask my mom fashion advice or just how to get through life. Yet, my mom isn’t the most organized or put-together person. She makes mistakes and forgets things. She is human. She is not perfect, and we both know that. I learn from my mom and she learns from me. To truly be a parent who teaches their child, you have to accept that you don’t know everything and you too will learn.

In the film Raising Victor Vargas by director Peter Sollett, Victor, a playboy teen in the Lower East Side, comes of age as he falls in love, yet his grandmother also comes of age in a way. Victor starts out the movie thinking he is the best and that he is that ideal “playboy,” but his grandmother also starts out the movie with the idea of her “perfect family.” She wants to make them all be a part of her ideal family and thinks that her idea is the right one. Parents need to feel like they are in control. They do it out of love, trying to do what they believe is the best and only logical choice. Yet they can’t always know what is best. They are stuck inside their own heads, not always willing to think of a different perspective. They feel like they are the most important thing in a child’s life, even long past that child has grown. Near the end of the film, the grandmother tells Victor that, “Remember, only thing you have is me,” to which Victor responds, “You remember ma, the only thing you have is us.” That one line is very much something that parents rarely understand, as they are so wrapped up in their children’s’ lives that they don’t see that they are being blocked by that. Family is where you don’t dictate someone else’s lives and let people be individuals.

In the film, we see a motif of a locked phone. At the beginning of the film, the grandmother locks up this phone, prohibiting the family from using it. In the end, when it is Victor himself that unlocks it, we really see the change that the characters have gone through. Victor’s having the responsibility to unlock the phone really corresponds to what he has learned and gone through. It also reflects how the grandmother has learned to let others have responsibility and be the ones who know when to do things such as unlock the phone. I personally have many moments where I have been able to do things because my mother has realized that I can do it and let me have control for once. It is all about growing up for both the parent and the child. Family is being able to learn from everyone no matter their age.

Another scene that we see recurring in the movie is that of Nino playing the piano. It is one of those moments in a family’s life that should occur naturally, one of those moments of innocence. The first time it is the grandmother wanting them all to listen and be a “family.” Yet it is forced and unnatural, how can that be a family? Then we have the same scene in the end when it is natural. A family listening together and not even saying anything can be some of the most precious moments. The most at peace I can be is when I am sitting on the couch reading with my family, or settled around a TV show. Family is the most pure when you are all equal and are in a place of trust.

Parents do not know more than any of us. Victor isn’t the most intelligent, but neither is his grandmother. Both of them learn to just be together and learn from each other, just like how my mother and I are always able to just curl up on our bed. Your relationship with your parent can never be perfect, but you can make through it if you love each other and both of you can sit and just listen.