We’re so high up if the window broke I bet I’d fall and die! I can see, like, the whole city – come look. Are we even allowed to be here? Of course you don’t know either, I get it. You always manage to get me in trouble you know, anytime we hang out this happens. We get chased by the security guards because you offend someone ‘cause you, like, always need to make a scene. Well, it’s because you’re a narcissist. That’s why you strung me along for so long and all. You needed the fucking attention. Before you saying anything, I know, sorry, you’re trying to change, blah blah blah. You know I haven’t really spoken to her since the summer. I mean we’ve, like, spoken but we haven’t really talked. It kind of fucks with a friendship when the guy you’ve liked since middle school suddenly wants to bang your best friend. But no, it’s not your fault, God forbid anything is actually your fault. Sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about this. We’re just going to look at the city and pretend things are okay. Neither of us is really equipped to help the other with our problems, you feel? We both have so much shit of our own that I don’t think we can really selflessly support each other. And you’re right, it is better to just push past it. Look at Trump Towers ,they’re fucking glistening. My therapist says this is how I deal with emotions. I subvert things and, like, pretend I’m cool and just laugh things off. She actually said to listen to this Book of Mormon song about it. That’s the only time I’m ever going to be compared to a Mormon missionary, because we both shove all our shit down. I’ve only opened up to like two people, you and her. And we both know how that turned out. Sorry, sorry, being too bitter again. Central Park looks so nice from up here. The whole city looks so nice. You don’t see all the shit and all the problems are just a huge picture. But of course, everyone is walking about with their own problems and their own stories and there’s so many and it’s enough to make you feel insignificant but it always makes me feel safe. Like no one can ever find me. But I get also that no one can ever hear me. Christ, I don’t know. I want to disappear for a bit, don’t you? Like I want to rub a giant eraser over my whole body until I’m nothing but little bits of rubber. I imagine this when I walk through the halls at school. It’s like my daily fantasy. Or sometimes I close my eyes really tightly and think that if I do it long enough and make my mind completely blank, when I open them I’ll be somewhere else. Like in a whole different world. It hasn’t worked but I’m trying. Do you understand? That’s a dumb question; you’re the only one who does. My mom’s probably going to text soon. I need to be home by eight. Can you walk me to the train? I don’t want to be alone right now.
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